The porn that people like

So there's this story in Time magazine about these researchers who analyzed all the porn on the Internet.

They were looking for patterns, see — pop-quant numerati type stuff. Interestingly, while Rule 34 basically holds true, it's not as wild or weird out there as you might suspect. The vast majority of people's tastes are pretty vanilla.

On a personal note, I found it intriguing that he "cheating wives" theme was so incredibly popular. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, this is porn that focuses on uptight, conservative, happily married women going out and cheating on their husbands by having lots of wild, freaky, nasty sex with complete strangers. A lot of guys love this stuff — though, I should probably emphasize, they like it strictly as a fantasy. Except for a handful of real weirdos, they don't actually want their wives to go out and do this stuff. They just like the thought of it.

Now, I used to be puzzled by this. The appeal completely escaped me. Then, well, I got divorced. (Yup, I was married for about four years.) And then my ex-wife started dating another guy, and then she eventually married him. I haven't spoken to my ex in about three years, so I don't know what she's up to now — hell, she probably has a kid by now. Anyway, when she started dating, and later got married, I discovered something: On one hand, it made me insanely, painfully jealous. I mean, thinking about her with another guy really, really hurt. But at the same time, I found it incredibly, uh, arousing...

It was a very, very weird feeling: I could be both incredibly upset and incredibly, unbelievably turned on, simultaneously. What the hell? I thought at first that there might be something psychologically wrong with me, but then I remembered the whole "cheating wives" porn genre, and I had a light bulb moment. "Oh," I thought. "Okay, so that's what that whole thing is about..."

Anyway, it's nice to see that, according to these researchers, my reaction was boringly mainstream, which means I'm not some huge perv. But I still didn't get what caused it to be so arousing. According to these guys, it's because "men are wired to be sexually jealous":

"This is an example of what biologists call a sperm competition cue. Across the animal kingdom, when males see other males mating, it tends to provoke arousal. If he is going to compete with the other male, he has to produce more sperm.

Human men also respond like this; if a man sees a woman — including his partner — with another man, he becomes more aroused."

So basically, it's the combination of sexual excitement coupled with hormonal caveman aggression at the thought of another guy with "my" woman. (Yes, I know she's not "my" woman now; I'm speaking figuratively here.) I can testify to the fact that the combination does produce a very intense experience. It's interesting to now have a sense of why — and to know I'm not some freak for feeling that way.